War on Dirt

It was only inevitable that a city so obsessed with appearances would finally start cracking down on the filthy among us.

And before you crack a smile, thinking that a crackdown on litter (or something similar) has been initiated, give me a moment to clarify.

You see, near my block of flats is an open air parking lot (not the sandy kind, but a proper paved parking lot) which is free of charge and for the residents of the surrounding buildings. This parking lot is away from any commercial area and is not visible to the general public.

I tend to use this parking lot myself and just yesterday I saw a friendly young guy glueing what appeared to be leaflets to certain cars. On closer examination, I noticed that these were nothing but a fine being placed on dirty cars.


And this after an extremely blustery weekend. So most cars got nailed. One of the cars which got a fine is my neighbour's (who is on a short vacation).

Well, I guess people have one new thing to worry about, how to keep their vehicles sand free in this Sandy town (especially while on vacation).

Probably what takes the cake is this wonderful piece of prose in the fine slip ".... requested to remove the vehicle as it is disfiguring the public view and beauty of the city ....." ............... Beauty of the city?? We are talking about the same city here right?? Dubai is beautiful?? When did this happen?? How come no one informed me??

Well, could you expect anything less from a city that prides itself for making tacky copies of other's icons and believes the epitome of culture and refinement is making a Shopping area called culture village (where all the items are gonna be made in china).

So what next?

I can see them outlawing washing cars in public just so everyone is forced to use the carwash places (which are owned by you know who).

How about making sure the boys in blue only come out in public between 1:00am - 3:00am. They are an eyesore, and I wouldn't want them disfiguring the beauty of our beautiful, booming, no1, favorite city.

Thanks for all the Fizz...

I would like to take the time out and thank Etisalat for their never-ending concern for my moral welfare.

Thank you Etisalat...

Thank you for letting me know that it is ok to harass and solicit women in clubs and in public but not ok to visit a dating website.

Thank you for clarifying that it is ok to participate in the Dubai Duty Free Raffle but not ok to visit a gambling website.

Thank you for confirming that it is ok to buy uncensored DVDs in Virgin but not ok to look at the Swimsuit Calender of Sports Illustrated.

Thank you for informing me that it is ok to buy Maxim and FHM in Magrudy's but not ok to got to their websites.

Thank you also for blocking websites that allow me to interact with old friends thus implying that I should be making nice friendships with the indigenous female population.

And a big thank you for letting us all know that it is immoral, unethical, insensitive to take and share photos and videos as well.


FALCONCITY:

With a name like Falcon city one would expect to be surrounded by predatory birds or maybe to be living in a bird themed building.

But instead we have cheap, tacky copies of some of the most iconic buildings of the world.

This monstrosity is part of that axis of evil known as Dubai Holding. A place of mediocrity and unoriginality. Dear Dubai Holding, if you are going to build something new how about you stop copying OTHER country's icons and come up with something of your own. I mean, can you not find something in your "long" and "glorious" past that you can use as inspiration for an original piece of work.

And am I the only one who feels these replicas are an insult to the heritage and achievements of all the other countries????

But what really burns is the descriptions they employ on their website: Namely this gem - Dubai Taj Mahal is renowned for its architectural magnificence and artistic beauty . HUH???? the Dubai Trash Mahal has not been built yet and it is already renowned for its beauty?? Where is it renowned?? Who holds it in renown?? Three 64K dollar questions.

This is gonna give me a stroke....

No comments

I read a comment on a blog the other day which read something along the likes of:
"I am all for freedom of speech, but don't do it on my blog".

Basically the blog author was objecting to someone posting comments of a different point of view.

This comment typifies the Middle East - As long as you don't disagree with their view, speak all you want, but if you do disagree with them, then shut up and don't express it (you know the drill: this is our country/region/people - you don't belong here or understand the history blah blah blah).

"sigh"

Onto more idiocy....

7days printed an article yesterday commenting on how hard it was to make friends in the UAE.

Do you want to know why it is hard to make friends in the UAE (especially friends of different cultures). Cos we are a bunch of asses - simple. The socio-economic situation doesn't help either.

You generally don't see too many subcons in the more expensive places (part of the reason being they are not allowed in) even though they are about 60% of the population. You don't see many multicultural groups of friends hanging around.

The only racial mixing (on a social level) I see these days are incredibly pathetic old Brit/European guys with extremely young asian women. Just sad on every level.


Even more idoiocy.....

http://img80.imageshack.us/img80/5171/foocm1.jpg

Thanks to pokey for this gem - I couldn't have said it better.


And finally...

Israel is justified..... there you go - I SAID IT.

Paris Hilton of Cities

I do travel around quite a bit and lately one of the questions I get asked (thanks to Dubai's all conquering PR machine) is "what is Dubai like."

Instead of going through everything about Dubai, I figured that the closest thing to Dubai is Paris Hilton.

You see, Paris Hilton and Dubai share some of the same characteristics:

Why is Paris Hilton famous?? Beats me. Think about it she is nothing but a rich brat who gets around a lot.

Why is Dubai famous?? Beats me. It is just a fast growing town full of rich brats who get around a lot.

Paris Hilton has no discernible talent whatsoever.
Dubai has no discernible talent whatsoever, among whole swathes of its population.

PH is not the sharpest pencil in the box.
Dubai is not exactly a place for intellectual pursuits.

PH can be seen latched onto other C-list celebrities.
Dubai latches onto C-listers as well, going as far as providing them immunity from the law (Dallas Austin anyone??)

PH has some horrible TV shows.
Dubai has some horrible TV shows.

PH has branched into singing and cosmetics in a pathetic attempt to build a brand.
Dubai has branched into many cities (with progressively more idiotic names) in a pathetic attempt to build a brand.

PH has a couple of the worst-kept dirty secrets around (one night in Paris anyone?)
Dubai has some of the worst-kept dirty secrets around (labour rights, racism, rampant prostitution, idiocy)

The truth about PH can be yours for $9.99 from amazon.com
The truth about Dubai can be yours for the cost of a trip to the freezones where Etisalats all powerful proxy does not reign supreme.


So if you are the kind of person who believes that Paris Hilton deserves the attention she gets and you find her utterly spell binding, then Dubai is for you.

If not, avoid Dubai like the plague.

Good ol RAK

The world seems intent on crapping on itself these last few weeks.

And nothing illustrates this better than another ridiculous story from RAK (hicksville, UAE)

Kill the critter

Unfortunately, I couldn't scan the picture in KT yesterday of the dead snake.

What is claimed to be a rare and poisonous snake is nothing but a Ball Python (one of the most benign snakes (to humans of course)). You could buy one of these for about 800 dhs in one of the many pet stores in Dubai.

What gets to me is that the 7-year old kid spotted it curled up under a tree and screamed "The incident occurred in Shaam area when the boy, shocked on spotting the creature curled up under a tree, cried out for help."

How in the name of hell did this snake present a danger to passersby no one will ever know. Maybe it hissed a little bit, or more likely, it pissed itself and curled up into a very threatening ball thus getting the beatdown it deserved.

In these crazy times, this article serves as a perfect microcosmic example of human behaviour.

Attack something that was minding its own business and then claim it was evil incarnate and presented a serious danger.

I need a drink.

A muse to amuse

I have hit a rut.

Not just any rut, but a Burj Dubai sized one.

And this is professionally, emotionally, psychologically etc etc (and any other "lly" that you might want to add)

Ever since I have been back from my vacation (which was awesome and the first one in 3 years, i would like to add), I have just felt drained.

The glass ceiling has been reached and there is nowhere higher to go professionally (apparently, I am too young for a senior management position - damn old people).

And to add to this a charity initiative that I was trying to get off the ground (bumper stickers where all the money goes to our boys in blue) has been squashed by our ever so concerned authorities. And I might be in a bit of trouble about this as well. Oh well.

But most of all, certain people (whose names shall go unmentioned but be warned I have taken ot a fatwa on your head and have also got voo doo kewpie dolls ready just in case) and Dubai have joined forces to proverbially punch me in the gut.

Just when I thought Dubai can't get any more hypocritical, we have a slew of incidents that up the level of hypocrisy.

But anyway, I am in desperate need of inspiration and so I am taking applications for a muse:

UK/US Educated (screw it - who am i kidding - You gotta be white - whiter than the driven snow), a substance abuser (not like you will go to jail), willing to jump to my every whim (hey, any of the boys in blue would), and open to making nice friendship (the locals seem to have nice friends in certain clubs - so why can't I) and open to working for peanuts (which is 1 peanut more than the subcons get so be grateful).

Applications to the usual address (hate filled posts will be frowned upon).

Thank you Rooney

Tonight was a great night. No, not cos England lost but cos I won.

I won multiple bets. You see every couple of years I bet against England in that year's major footie championship. No, not cos I hate them (I support them as a matter of fact) but cos it is a surefire way to make some money....

You just have to know which round England will lose in....

Simple rules to follow:

• How many English fans in the stadium (more there are more likely the team will lose - something about hearing all those hearts rip at the same time)
• Are they playing someone who seems to have beaten them in a major match sometime in the past.
• On Paper - England looks to match up very well and should win the game.
• Are there any 6ft 7 guys on the team who look like they are a puppet on strings when they kick the ball.
• Are there any numskulls on the pitch (Rooney sure made up for Bekham's absence)?

If you get more than three positive answers then England will surely lose. The beauty of this system is that it has never let me down yet... All you have to do is find some loyal english fans to bet against.

And you know if it comes down to Penalty kicks, England WILL lose (nothing typified this better than when my friend slid over the 500 bucks we had on this game, even before the kicks were taken - just knew it was inevitable.)